Its been awhile since I've journaled. Life has been busy, work has been crazy busy. Little hour meetings scattered throughout the week can make for some fun juggling of preschool drop off and pick up. So thankful though for a job that allows amazing flexibility so that I'm still able to have great quality time with my little ones that are growing so fast!
Being busy has been a good distraction too. The holidays are literally here, I can't believe Thanksgiving is next week! Although exciting to watch our 3 year olds enjoy every second of the holidays with anticipation of magical joy and wonder, for hubby and I there is definitely a shadow of grief looming overhead. A shadow of sadness and loss that is behind every smile, a thought of what should have been and the heartache of missing our sweet baby boy.
I've been reading some inspiring books and have found it true that the loss and heartache never really go away, rather we just adapt to a new way of life... a new walk. A new compassion and empathy for others so that we can share in the sufferings and compassion of our Savior.
The heavy sorrow every morning has been replaced with an amazing anticipation to wake up before my little ones in the morning, grab my coffee and get into His word alone. Before the loss Ive always enjoyed quiet time reading His word but after the loss the anticipation is great. Its the only way I know how to make it through the day. His word and promises restore my soul! He promises that as I draw near to Him, He will always draw near to me!
Draw near to God, and He might draw near to you. NO
Draw near to God, and He will sometimes draw near to you. NO
Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Thats a promise!
...and He is so faithful every morning to comfort my heart and pour His spirit out so I can make it through the day with a joy and peace that can only come from Him.
In my devotional this morning He speaks of a trial and hurt that might be unseen, a pain that only He can see. As I read and pondered this it made so much sense to me because as we move on and life continues the pain of our loss and trials to come will be unseen by many but He's reminding us both that its never unseen by Him, this passed through His hands for a purpose and as we are molded and shaped through it, seeking and learning His purpose and plan...its there that we will find our crown. ~ Glory always follows suffering~
